maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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