You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
