Your face is a jimmy john
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
