I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
