i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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