I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
