My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
