I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
