I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
