I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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