You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am one with the molecules
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
