Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
