I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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