Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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