apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
