dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
