What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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