Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Will you blow on my dice?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
