Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
