i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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