im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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