I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
