Just fell off a train. Bad.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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