what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
