I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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