so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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