she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
