you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
