If i come over, it means nothing
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
