I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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