Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
