Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is wine microwaveable?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
