Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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