New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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