i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
