I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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