If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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