So drunk its hurt
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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