If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
