i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
