The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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