it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
