if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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