My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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