Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
