my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
