Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
