I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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