Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
