Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize