i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
