Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
