omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
