We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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