I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
