im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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