Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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