We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
