WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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