Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
