you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
