I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My ass is underappreciated
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
