I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
