fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
