He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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