they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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