I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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