worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
