I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Barsexuality is the new black.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
