Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
