alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
