I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
