Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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