You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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