Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
