So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
