I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
