I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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