at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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