Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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