xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You took a bar mat shot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
