awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
