my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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