just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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